Infertility, Surrender & Finally Letting Go.

Infertility had me living in cycles… emotionally, physically, mentally.
The what ifs, the maybe this time, the I hope so, the please.

It’s exhausting.
Hope feels like a full-time job, and so does bracing for the heartbreak.

And even though I’d made the decision to stop trying, to not pursue more treatments, to no longer put my body through it all…

My mind still didn’t stop.
My body still held the tension.
I still found myself calculating ovulation dates without meaning to.
Still hoping for a miracle, I wasn’t even asking for anymore.

Infertility is like that. It stays with you… quietly, subtly, asking “what if?” even after you’ve said, “no more.”

But something shifted the moment I truly let go.
I didn’t give up, I let go.
There’s a difference.

I stopped trying to control what was never mine to control.
I stopped analyzing every symptom.
Stopped comparing my journey.
Stopped thinking I was behind.

And something beautiful happened.
My nervous system softened.
My thoughts got quieter.
My body began to feel safer again.
And life?
It started aligning in ways I didn’t expect.

There’s a deep kind of peace that comes when you stop gripping so tightly to a path that’s no longer yours… or wasn’t actually meant for you in the first place.

And while I still have moments of sadness, grief, and the occasional ache of “what could’ve been,” I just don’t allow myself to live there anymore.

The universe had other plans, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m finally living in them.
Not chasing. Not forcing. Just… being. And it’s enough.